This is not a path of transcendence. We are not walking the high road. We are learning how to protect ourselves from “light-chasers” – people who are so identified with being “conscious”. This word has been so corrupted – in the common Asheville parlance, it truly does not mean fully conscious, it means that I identify with “high consciousness”. Which a lot of the time means that I do not fully live in my body. The body is really, truly still not seen as a friend, as our human home. Especially, “light-chasers” do not experience the full power of the body for sexuality and power – which are not “higher powers”, but simply huge sources of human power.
This is a path of full embodiment. We want to be as totally human as we possibly can. Sex and power are two amazing gifts that we are reclaiming for ourselves. Sex and power get a bad rap because they are so horribly misused in our society – used in manipulative or self-oriented or oppressive ways. This is really only possible because we still have so many taboos around them – because we do not bring our sexual and aggressive power out into the light, to be embraced by all of our society, to be a garden tended by all of us.
Try this experiment (or get a kick out of imagining what it would be like to try it): put something like the next paragraph into a “life resume” that you hand out as an extra whenever you hand out your work resume. Or post it on Facebook.
“I am a sexual hero. I adore being a sexual being. I am constantly thrilled by the power of my own sexuality. A am 100% committed to exploring the full range of this power. I am devoted to sexual pleasure. The extraordinarily human faculty of physical pleasure linked to full human connection – really seeing and recognizing the other, totally feeling our connection with them – is one of the faculties that most keep us alive on the planet. I will not manipulate others or try to get anything from them or use them for my sexual pleasure.
“When I fully love my own sexuality, sex comes to me. I radiate it so richly that others are magnetically drawn to me. They say ‘Oh, you seem so fully at home in your body – I want to be with you.’ And then I get to decide if this is anything I want – or, more likely, how I want to experience it with this person. Maybe, with this person, the form of connection that is being called forth is to look in each other’s eyes, or to share a sweet hug or hold hands or to give a shoulder rub or back rub – but not a fully sexual adventure. It’s all an exploration. If I am open to a full explosion of sexuality, I can be open also to a very minimal little touch – which may, in that moment, carry with it the charge of total connection with all of life.
“When others are physically close to me, when they hug me, when they are in my arms, they get what they need. If what they really want or need is the comforting connection of human touch, more a personal connection than a physical one – simply coming home – that is what they get from me. If what they are really needing is sensuality – is to feel the pleasure of being in a human body – then that is what tends to happen for them when they are physically connected to me. If a crucial need for them right now is to tend to their sexuality, then that energy tends to come alive for them around me – because I am available for that, also. Because I am getting more and more at home with the whole range of touch, of physical human connection.”
Yeah! That’s the ticket! Say that to your friends. Put it in your phone and read it out at social gatherings – maybe Thanksgiving. Even if it is not an actual conversation-starter, it will at least be a memorable moment.
About a year ago, I had a woman “light-chaser” friend accuse me of hugging her wrongly – that I touched her in some questionable areas and held on to the touch a little too long. I knew there was something way off in this charge – I especially know that I am really a master at releasing the touch at the instant my hug-partner is even getting ready to want to let go, maybe even before they are yet conscious that they want to do this.
But I was still in the thrall of her “high-consciousness” and it had not really occurred to me that she could be so totally off-base in matters like this – that she might be so inclined to project shit around sexuality. So I was not adequately prepared to protect myself from her and I reeled a little. I took it personal. It felt sad, like a loss. I knew there had been nothing wrong in the way I touched her, but I also knew that now there would be all this self-consciousness between us in the area of touch, that the naturalness of it would likely go away.
It would all have been so much easier and sweeter if she had known how to fully take responsibility for her own experience – for the reactions of her own body. She might then have said something like “Sometimes when I touch you, I experience things that are mysterious, confusing, powerful. I get uncomfortable. It feels at least potentially out of control – I don’t know where it might go.”
This would have given me a chance to say something like “Lots of people feel lots of physical and emotional reactions when they touch me because everything is on the table with me. I’m basically available for it all – so with me touch can go wherever you need it to go. What you can know for sure is that I will not manipulate you, will not try to get anything from you, will not try to take our physical connection in some direction that I may want but may not be right for you. I’m just here – fully available. You come to me.”
As long as sexuality remains so in shadow in our society, as long as we still project so much garbage on it, then – when you do not hide that you are fully, deeply, creatively sexual – some people will project on you the full range of their disapproval, their personal confusion around sex.
So feel free – as long as you want or need this – to keep your powerful exploration of this deep part of yourself on the QT. It can be your little secret. I myself will say it openly for all of us, because I have been asked to teach about it. To the extent that you are ever called to also teach in this area – even in a moment-to-moment or case by case basis – then you can also come out of the closet that you are doing your homework, are becoming a fully sexual being.
If you want to really stir the pot, you can sweetly – or in a very hot, fully embodied way – say something like “I am a volcano of sexual energy.” Or you can just plant your feet, take a deep breath, feel your whole body and just think this thought to yourself – and feel happy, feel excited, feel content. Be the cat that swallowed the canary.