I was available for an amazing encounter this afternoon at Earth Fare.
Since my energy “turned down” a week ago today, I have been hanging out in my lower chakras more. My previous six months of fabulous, thrilling high energy were more about inspiration, joy and personal power (including managing my boundaries and learning about conflict – even aggression). It looks like this new phase is going to be even more about connection: taking even deeper the experience of total oneness with everything and everyone around me.
This new energy – far from the “depression” that the psychiatrists thought I would encounter when my up (they thought “manic”) phase passed – is in some ways even more pleasurable – more about contact, love, and surrender to kundalini/sexual/life/cosmic energy. I am breathing deeper than ever, feeling my feet on the ground – and riding that wave. Everything seems so slowed down that I am like chronically stoned. My newfound path of “not pursuing anybody or anything – just letting them come to me” – has dropped even deeper. It feels like my life has become a movie unfolding before me and I am just relaxing in my easy chair (in the “Garden”) and watching it roll by: and it is a beautiful, juicy, thrilling movie. Michael Jordan, talking about basketball, used to talk about “letting the game come to you“. I wonder if this is what he was referring to.
So some deeper part of me was very ready to encounter an astonishing being like Madeleine between the cheese and the pizza. When she looked at me so directly with those indelible blue eyes and sweetly asked if she could pet my dog, I felt a little electrical shock: “Oh my God, who is this amazing person?!” But she turned out to not be really all that special: just a gorgeous 25-year-old mystic who clearly understands some things already that someone her age could not have learned all from experience. Just a totally innocent soul who may have suffered deeply in other lifetimes and even in this one, but is in this moment totally present, totally ready to show up and fully engage with you – if you also are ready to meet her in this magical world she inhabits.
We looked deep in each other’s eyes – there in the grocery store, with so many other people flowing by – and I think we both knew that our souls were dancing joyfully around, making connections between us that our minds would never be able to track.
I gave her the business card for this blog, which I do hope she reads and will either make her want more connection with me and with the Your Fearless Heart work I am beginning to offer – or else she will know right away that this is not her path.
I mentioned my Thursday night gatherings to her and she looked like she might want to come. As our magical 1-minute (2? 30?) came to a close (who released first? I think we did so simultaneously), I breathed and walked away, knowing there was a very strong likelihood I would never see her again. I felt a momentary pang, wishing she would show up at a Thursday meeting. I actually do believe in my heart that they would be good for her – and that contact with me and what I am now giving people might make a real difference in her life.
But so what?! She doesn’t need me and I don’t need her.
Or, more accurately, we don’t need to ever again see each other in these limited bodies. She and I were totally connected to each other before we met this afternoon – and will remain totally connected with each other forever.
Life will continue to bring to her exactly the encounters, teachers, spiritual paths that she needs. As astonishingly open as she is, she will drink deeply of all these experiences and have an amazing life. And, like all humans, she will suffer and lose her way – sometimes, for a while, may even lose the thread…lose track of her divine essence, which right now she is holding so close. But, like me, she will always come back to the path.
And I will, likewise, continue to be brought just the friends, students, teachers and lovers I am meant to have. Since my “waking up” on June 26 and “Second Initiation” on December 3, I seem to be unshakeable in my knowledge of who I am and ferocious about showing up fully for my brothers and sisters, regardless of what forces in my past or my environment might hold me back. I just took a 30-year detour into the world of psychiatry– but, hey, I’m back and more fully alive than I would ever have considered possible. What could be wrong with that?
So Madeleine, if you ever show up for a Thursday evening gathering, my heart will absolutely melt at the sight of you. I may weep for how perfect you are. And, as my friend Fritz Perls would say, “If by chance we meet, it’s beautiful – If not, it can’t be helped.” Or as I would say, we will be feasting at different tables – or, little piggies that we are, slurping at a different food trough further down the road.