We as a society – and as people of conscience and kindness – are reeling from the exposures of predatory and violent sexuality, and from the hatred of the other that are rampant in our society and are cascading down from the top levels of power, starting with a toxic, evil president – a creature of hatred, rage, competition and isolation, power-lust and revenge.
This blog and this path are about integrity – about radical truth-telling, about reclaiming wholeness. We can’t move forward to greater love, connection and healthy assertiveness without first naming the elephant in the room – the toxic processes that are riddling our common life and giving a very bad name to the essentially healthy and life-affirming faculties of sex and aggression.
How can we move towards the beautiful properties of sexuality when we have a president who gropes and sneers at and humiliates women – and who despises and violates the rights of citizens whose sexuality is different than his own? We are also reeling from the totally right and necessary and way-overdue exposures of the sexual abuse and predation of the young and the female by the rich and powerful – TV and movie and even opera personalities, politicians at all levels and even priests.
Never have we more needed to celebrate the life-giving power of healthy sex. At a time when so much is pulling us apart, healthy sexuality is a magic elixir that magnetically draws us back to each other. The infinite language of touch can heal each of us – and heal our relationships with each other. From a luscious hug to a tender stroke of the brow to getting totally lost in the hilarity and sexual energy of laughing together to a tender or riotous or explosive romp in bed (or on the floor or in the shower or on the dining room table or in the woods or on the beach or in the back seat of a car), we all have at our disposal so much untapped potential for sexual healing…sexual fun and hilarity…sexual power and yes healthy sexual aggression…so much untapped potential for sexual love – genuine, human, even spiritual love that is fueled by the power of sexual energy.
How can we reclaim the power of healthy aggression when our president stokes the hate of his followers and incites their violence towards those who are different: Latino, gay and transgender, Islamic, children (when they are brown or black). How do we not hate and fear all manner of power when political power is used to oppress those who are different and female?
Never before have we so much in our country needed to tap our righteous anger, our ruthless boundary-setting against the aggressor and oppressor. We need to pull out the stops to get in their fucking way – to say “You shall not pass!” We need to slay our passivity, doubt, helplessness, hopelessness and cynicism as we take the reins of political power back into our own hands. We need to be both visionary and boots on the ground.
If we are held back by shyness, unassertiveness, niceness or even the new tyranny of “kindness” (if you act out of righteous anger you get accused of being “harsh” or “unkind”), we will never rise to this moment in history’s desperate need for powerful action.
The gifted and visionary teacher and social scientist Brene Brown quotes her research as demonstrating that the personal quality that is most associated with emotional health and happiness is open-heartedness.
And the personal quality that correlates with open-heartedness is healthy boundaries.
We cannot do an adequate job of protecting our personal and social boundaries without some level of aggression – and the more responsible freedom and expressiveness and power we have in the domain of aggression, the more powerful a force we can be for freedom and the protection of the weak and innocent.
The more effectively we use our capacity of aggression to protect our boundaries – the more we know that we are ready and willing and able to keep ourselves and our people safe – the more then we are able and ready and willing to open our hearts. And sexual energy has amazing untapped power to open our hearts and to bring us, as a species, back together.